When I need it, I ask for it

I need help.

There are just some things that I can’t do on my own.

I am trying so hard to not be suspicious or jealous. I am trying to keep my baggage in check. I am constantly reminding myself that I can’t assign every wrong that’s been committed against me to this new relationship. I repeat, over and over in my head, that this one won’t leave just because the others did. That is a leap of faith that I don’t know if I can make by myself.

The rational, thinking me knows these things. She understands. She is confident and sure and knows that everything is fine. Better than fine. She acknowledges that we’re still new, and she can’t be the Most Important Person after only a month. But the other part…the other part is weighed down by her glaring inexperience in these matters, never having an adult relationship that lasted more than two months. She is jumpy and frightened and constantly on the verge of tears because she’s waiting for God to spit in her face and take this away from her, too. She isn’t okay. And I don’t know how to bring that one from her darkness and move her closer to reality.

I need help.

4 Responses to “When I need it, I ask for it”

  1. Bill Roper Says:

    You know I’m always available to listen and offer whatever advice I can, sweetie. You’lll get through all the bumps and potholes. You’re a wonderful girl – don’t forget it!

  2. Myra Onstad Says:

    *big snuggles* I’m always here if you need me. Just let me know what I can do for you.

    You’re at a difficult point in your relationship, all shiny and new, but with a great deal of very exciting closeness that comes with a much older relationship. It’s not a bad thing, it’s just different. And to top it all off, you’ve got a lot of getting-used-to to do with each other. Sometimes our brains go into overdrive and create all kinds of crazy shit, it’s just how humans operate. But everything works itself out in the end, and because you’re strong and awesome, I have no doubt in my mind that you’ll come out the other side of any difficulty with a smile and a song. *more snuggles*

  3. Elana E Says:

    Breath deeply.

    I created a character called “Strong Woman”. I asked myself, “What would Strong Woman do?” Even if I didn’t feel strong I knew that she would have the answers. I could look in the mirror and take her advice.

    I’ll try not to tell you that you are young and may be through this many more times. Enjoy now. Don’t be so hard on yourself.

  4. Mom Says:

    Your new beau is crazy about you! And why shouldn’t he be? You are a beautiful, intelligent, wonderful young woman with so much to offer. Life brings no guarantees, live and enjoy what is now and look optimistically towards the future. There will be bumps, to be sure, but your future is bright, make it all it should be.

    I love you more than life and always will. I will always be close to catch you if you fall.

Leave a Reply