Archive for the ‘Teh amenals!’ Category

This might look like a post, but it’s actually a cry for help

Tuesday, July 13th, 2010

My motivational level is at an all time low, and for those of you who didn’t know me in middle school, that’s saying a hell of a lot. I’m home all day long. If I weren’t a lazy ass, this place would look like Mr. Clean’s sparkling genie palace. But I am, in fact, a lazy ass. I do some routine maintenance, both for myself and for our humble abode, but 85% of my day involves large quantities of the interwebz. I put in a few applications, troll craigslist for hours, battle in the hopes that someday, they’ll send me my password to the employer account I created two years ago so I can make an employee profile which allows me to apply for positions that I am clearly not qualified for. After a couple hours of this, I realize that my endless searching has yet to garner employment, and the downward spiral begins. One can only refresh Facebook so many times, but that has yet to stop me. could probably take out a restraining order, because there is no reason a normal, healthy adult would spend so many wasted hours on learning which seven Disney characters fall victim to the most gruesome deaths.

I have only three contacts during the day: my mother, Molly, and our new puppy, Wyatt. I try to speak to my mother no more than twice a day, because otherwise she gets antsy about seeing me again, and half the reason I moved out was to get the hell away from those people that created me. The other half was true love. Obviously. Molly is still a pain in my ass, but less so now that she has a new small creature to torture….I mean, love. Wyatt is rounding out the household nicely, and is a much needed source of joy now that our poor Melody is no longer with us. He snorts like a pug, looks like a brown cow, just about dies for a chance at snuggling. I’m also starting to think that he might be a canine prodigy. Seriously, you guys, we’ve had him for two days, and he already knows how to use the dog door. No more pee in the house! Either this puppy is gifted, or I’m an exceptional trainer who is obviously responsible enough to care for small and fragile creatures. Let’s assume the first option is correct, shall we? In spite of their phenomenal intellects, however, they are still not the greatest conversationalists. I’m this close to drawing a face on a volleyball and throwing it a tea party.

There are people I could talk to, I know, but I feel like I’ve missed out on too much to still really be a part of a group. I sent a few emails out to people I knew at COC; one of them replied, but not for long. Faire, it seems, is much the same way, and I’m not sure why I expected it to be anything else. I’ve been a part of theatre long enough to know that missing a single day is enough to put you on the outskirts of the group, and getting back into the thick of it is no easy task. I didn’t miss a day, I missed a season, and now people that I talked with every other day are suddenly not interested. Many people subscribe to the “out of sight, out of mind” philosophy; unfortunately, I am not that way. I had never been invited to parties in my teenage years, and though I was certainly never the Main Event at any faire-related soiree, it was nice to be included, and I miss it. Feel free to send your pity invites via Facebook. I’ll be refreshing the page in a matter of seconds.

The sound that makes me want to punch babies

Sunday, January 10th, 2010

As much as I try to be an easy going person, I’d be completely delusional to deny that there are some things, many things, actually, that just annoy me to no end. People stuffing trash in places where trash does not go because someone else is employed to clean it up. Parents ignoring their misbehaving children. Twitards. Yankee fans. Onions having the audacity to sting my eyes when I’m trying to make dinner. One sounds has quickly climbed to the top of this list, and it is one of few annyoing things that makes me feel like I’m a wrecthed and intolerant woman who should not be allowed to have pets, ever.

Dogs whining.

Sounds harmless, and usually, it is. Except that Molly has entered her first heat. She’s not fixed, and won’t be until Tuesday. Neither is our male dog, Jack. And the whining will. Not. End.

I know it isn’t their faults. Molly is swollen and probably in quite a bit of pain, and possibly confused because she and her mother may not have had The Talk and I don’t speak Dog. Jack is equally bewildered; he’s never been around a fertile female dog, so hes flipping out. They’re seperated, because puppies would not be helpful, which, in my foolishness, I thought would be much less painful. But they’re best friends, horny best friends at that, and OH MY GOD THE WHINING. Molly is locked in our room with me, going completely beserk, Jack is at our window and I wouldn’t be surprised if he started throwing pepples at it and serenading Molly with a boom box over his head. And while I appreciate their pain, the sounds coming out of their mouths are not sounds that should be uttered by any creature on this earth, but rather pathetic high pitched soungs composed by Lucifer himself that he created for the sole purpose of making humans torture themselves and others. If this sound is what drove people to madness and caused the Spanish Inquisition, the witch trials, and JFK’s assassination, I would not be the least bit surprised.

So now I’m ready to stick a pencil in my eye in order to distract myself from this hellish ruckus, I feel guilty about hating it this much because the dogs can’t help that they just want sex, and I have these drifting thoughts that Oh My God, if I can’t handle whining dogs, what about whining children? What if my baby starts crying? Will that annoy me too? Does my lack of patience reflect on my inadequacy as a future mother? AM I THAT PERSON WHO SHOULD NOT BE ALLOWED TO BREED??

These are not things one should have to think about when she is awake at 3:30 am because whining dogs woke her up again. That’s all I’m saying.

Adventures in being a dog owner

Saturday, October 3rd, 2009

It’s been a little over a week since we’ve acquired Molly, and my god, the progress. Today is the first day she hasn’t peed in the house, and that alone has taken a huge weight off of J and me. I’ve never trained a puppy, so there were a few days of experimentation as to what methods work, and there is a startling difference, at least when it comes to housebreaking, between the results from when we either reward her for good behavior or punish her for bad behavior. Putting Molly’s nose in her latest wet spot and then putting her outside did absolutely nothing. For the last two days, J and I have both gone outside with her and gave her a treat after she peed (before we only verbally praised her), and she seems to finally understand what it is we’re asking of her.

She is also (mostly) sleeping through the night; she’ll come to bed with us, wake up around two or three to come on our bed and snuggle, go back to her bed after a few minutes, and then wake up again around seven, demanding to be fed and let outside. It’s not a perfect system, but at least it’s stable.

The hardest part so far was the one night I had to break Molly of the incessant barking. J and I put Molly in our room to get her used to going to her bed at night without us, and for a few hours, I stood outside our door with a water bottle, waiting to squirt her if she started barking loudly. I wasn’t at all comfortable with this, but J insisted that I needed to learn how to discipline. By the sixth time I had to spray Molly, she was cowering every time she saw me, which quickly brought me to tears. An hour more of that, and I found myself in J’s lap, crying and telling him that I am a terrible pet owner and I will therefore be a terrible mother. It made perfect sense at the time. The next day, though, I was greeted by our puppy as though nothing had happened…and the crazy barking has not occurred since. It broke my heart to punish her without being able to sit her down and explain why her barking was so very annoying and causing everyone in the house to tear their hair out, but I can’t deny that it worked. Hopefully, though, it won’t be a teaching method that I’ll have to use often.

A new addition

Wednesday, September 23rd, 2009

J and I love Golden Retrievers. He’s wanted one for a while, and we both know that I’m going to need a companion when he is in basic and when he deploys.

A lovely family had to part with one of their puppies and put an ad in the church classifieds for a six month old, AKC, golden.

Internet, meet Molly Malone O’Connor!


She’s very well behaved, very hyper, but expectedly so. She knows to sit and give a paw, but there’s still a little housebreaking that needs to be done.

She is just what our family needed. Stay tuned for the amazing adventures of the Molly dog!