Now that I’ve regained composure

I started this post when I was bawling my eyes out, completely incoherent. Not the best way to approach an entry.

It’s a fairly short story. The new Fame soundtrack has been playing a lot and it made me nostalgic for my TADW days, when we were performing our own Fame medley. I looked for some videos on YouTube…the only ones on there were recorded after I left the program (no surprise), but I happily recognized a few faces. That’s when I started looking for pictures of Sam. I have two, but the memories are slipping against my will, and I thought that maybe one of our friends or his sister may have uploaded something. My Google image search gave me a hit called Zombie Sam Loeb. There’s a site (I will not list it because I have no wish to ever see it again; if you really want to see what I’m referring to, I’m sure you can find it on your own) that flames movies, television shows, and graphic novel. Jeph Loeb comics take quite a beating, and you know what, that’s fine. I love Jeph as a person, always have, and I love his writing, but I don’t expect everyone to agree. These guys hate his work with a fiery passion, whatever. But at the end of a couple critiques….a picture of Sam is featured. One drawn over in MS Paint to resemble a crappy zombie, and a paragraph is offered in what is supposed to be Sam’s voice.

It’s….it’s awful.

I saw it. Blinked in disbelief. Cried till I nearly vomited. Sat down and wrote the site managers a very polite email explaining why I feel that feature is wrong. Repeated step three until a friend talked me down. Thank you, Kim.

The idea is moronic. The execution of the idea is even more so. It should be laughable, it’s so bad. I might laugh…if I hadn’t been through it all. That I loved him and that he died was bad enough, and it has taken years for me to cope with that. That a group of critics who didn’t even know him would so carelessly desecrate his memory without any pause or hesitation from the fleeting thought of common decency……that hurt me in a way I didn’t know existed. And maybe it shouldn’t have. I don’t know them. They can’t take anything away from me or cheapen my experiences.

Bullshit. They mock my pain. They mock his family’s pain. It is mean and it is cruel, and…and. And I have nothing else to say. That’s it, really. Some bullies on the internet made me cry. Damn them.

Putting on another movie. Sleep is not happening tonight.

2 Responses to “Now that I’ve regained composure”

  1. TheOmniAdam Says:

    That’s unbelievably immature, inconsiderate, and unnecessarily hurtful… I’m sorry you’d have to see something like that, let alone that it exists.

    People like you who cherish Sam are the reason things like this wouldn’t matter to him.

  2. Renee Says:

    I’m really sorry you had to go through this. I remember when Jackie died my senior year of high school people spread some pretty nasty rumours about how it happened. I’m not normally a violent person, but it made me want to hunt those people down and rip them apart. It hurt so bad it was almost like losing her again.

    I hope you were able to get some rest. I wish I could offer something better than that to console you, but I don’t know what else to say.

Leave a Reply