Better to help people than garden gnomes.

Last night, I:

Was told in no uncertain terms that dating is not an option, but we can still be friends
Offered to set up the guy who, until I broke it off very recently, was my only lover
Discovered that some people only consider me when it’s convenient for them to do so

Three little pinches, three different people.

So I went a little overboard. Had a bit too much cider and things on in a short space of time, as well as on an empty stomach. This is not something I ever, EVER do, because I’m a person who believes in solving one’s own problems by attacking them head-on, and because alcoholism runs very heavily in my extended family. But these are problems I don’t know how to solve. They aren’t even my problems, not that that’s ever stopped me in the past. I opted for the warm and fuzzy feeling in my legs and my head, instead of banging my tiny, ineffective fists against immovable forces.

The warm and fuzzy feeling is gone now…but I have some lingering joy. These three people…well, two; that second occurrence was my own doing, but it comes with a nice little sting anyway…cut me a little, deep inside. But in each of them, there’s something for me to love. The first one, I love the fire in his eyes, because it means that no one’s killed his spirit. The second one, I love his touch and the kindness in it. And the third…I love that he really does try to be good. He’s usually successful. Just does dumb things sometimes. What I’m getting at here is that I think I can overlook my own pain and embarrassment, because those things are fleeting and unimportant. Those details about the people in my life, the kernels and sparks I love to find in people, especially when no one else notices them…those are worth staying around for. It’s more than just finding the good in everyone; it’s making a point to know why they’re special to me. Like the Little Prince and his rose, his rose that was unique in all the world because she was his. That’s enough to make me keep trying.

Today, I:

Will write a love letter to no one
Will get some balloons for a glamour bomb which hasn’t been completely planned out yet.
Will dance in the rain

2 Responses to “Better to help people than garden gnomes.”

  1. Emo T Hog Says:

    Umm….not in your “immediate” family you might be so kind as to stipulate.

  2. Andi Says:

    Noted and fixed. Sorry :(

Leave a Reply