Something useful I learned today

When chopping jalapeƱos, cover your mouth with a damp cloth, much like you would in a very smokey room. It will keep the jalapeƱo fumes from sneaking inside your throat and choking you from the inside out as it refuses to die, like an awful old aunt that no one likes but has a ton of money and lives to be a hundred and five, the old bitch.

No, I don’t actually have an aunt like that. All my awful ones are dirt poor.

No, I don’t have awful aunts at all. I’m very fond of all my parents’ siblings. They can take a joke.

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